My new boss must be coming up on his 5 year anniversary. I got an email inviting me to:
“Make this milestone memorable – and contribute today!”
By contribute, I’m encouraged to click a link that takes me to a website (authenticated: I’m greeted by name) where I can do … performative things.
“Don’t know what to write? Share a photo, a quick story or favorite memory about [manager]. Or just write a few words that best describe them. It doesn’t have to be long—thoughtfulness is what counts.”
Thank goodness length isn’t required but how thoughtful I am is.
My new boss came into being for me about 14 days ago. While we traveled in some of the same work circles we did not meet until recently – when he became my boss. Thus I have zero to submit to his anniversary fete. He seems like a good guy, but seems is the operative word. I don’t know, and he was told I might not be working for him very long.
Interesting that this is the first time in over 6 years with this employer that I’ve been asked to provide glowing words for the person in whose hands my future with the company resides. Apparently, I should not worry about it:
Your colleague’s network (manager, peers and direct
reports) have already been invited to contribute. But you can invite
other [employees] who are close to the honoree and non-[employees] (clients,
former colleagues, family and friends) to contribute—the more the
merrier! Just send them an invite from the contribution page. (Please do
not forward this personalized e-mail to them because it is linked to
Wait … what?!?!?! If I understand this dynamic properly, I can:
- Submit something nice so my manager sees I submitted something nice; or
- Submit something not nice so my manager sees I submitted something not nice; or
- I don’t submit anything and my manager gets to deduce that I submitted nothing.
HR can’t be this … stupid (I don’t know how else to describe it), can they?
p.s. – I will not submit anything.
p.p.s. – I have a whole rant about corporate anniversary celebrations like this one. Tl;dr: I’m not a fan.
p.p.p.s. – I tried to raise this with corporate HR and their internal website is down. Coincidence? Ehh, probably totally unrelated.
p.p.p.p.s. – This stuff is managed by an outside firm. It’s been outsourced. Got a problem with it? Go talk with the outsourcer.